Quick Story re-think!

Two characters run a train of "death." The train itself in the style of an old European train with separate compartments/cabins for passengers. However all of these have been converted to temporarily hold the dead passengers as they are taken out into the desert to be buried.


1960's Trains.

Whilst the main character is an Undertaker people think of him as the "late" Grim Reaper. People are never usually thrilled to see him.


"Hello Ma'am we're here to collect your loved one."
"Ahh the late Grim Reaper.... yes can you hold on one-"
"Ma'am we have a tight schedule to keep."
"Oh bite your tongue! No wonder you're called the "Late" Grim Reaper. Y'know my husband died atleast an hour ago. - And Mr.Peters from down the road died last tuesday!!"
"That.. is not my job Ma'am. I am an undertaker."

The train goes through a city collecting those who have died and then takes them out to the desert to be buried. A tight schedule is kept to make sure the dead reach the desert in time; and during the journey the Undertaker does his best to prepare them for being buried.

However, if for any reason the train becomes late a mysterious force does the unthinkable.. As a Unicycle gets caught in the train-tracks the Undertaker and his assistant must rush to free it or they risk a calamity of utmost grim proportion as the dead become undead from the plights of their loved ones back at home.



Shall go into more detail soon.


  1. Good - so now the narrative is actually deriving from the train and the undertaker... but the unicycle still feels 'irrelevant' in so much as it's not integral - because it could be any kind of object stopping the train in its tracks (and that's always the test if you're components are 'proactive' in your story universe). To be honest, the idea of the 'undertaker' actually being 'the grim reaper', and the train being the transport to the 'other side' is an even more focused version of what you've written - because, in the time frame of one minute short, it takes much less explanation and is quickly communicated. Now, I was thinking of what sort of person is usually associated with a uni-cycle - perhaps a clown? So, if the 'undertaker' was summoned to transport a clown to the other world (following a tragic uni-cycle accident?) then the unicycle starts to feel embedded and necessary - particularly is the clown is keen to escape the other world, and so you've got a wonderful chase set-up between a unicycle and a death train... as I write I'm reminded of this - check out the fun and games!


    Clown vs. grim reaper?

    1. Taking the "Clown vs. Grim Reaper" in a different direction, I started to think about them sharing a train to the Undertaker's dismay! I'll upload more notes later today of what I've figured out. :^)